Earlier this week I watched a Facebook live address from the Governor of Virginia, as he announced plans to remove statues and symbols of the Confederacy in Virginia’s capital. As I tried to pay attention to what he and the other speakers were saying, I kept getting distracted by the comments. Some were in support of what the Governor was announcing, but many were angry. Angry about his decision, angry about what they believed was misinformation, or historical inaccuracies. But what struck me hardest were the number of people who expressed their detest of our Governor for a reason that had nothing to do with his announcement. The number of people calling him a baby killer.
Baby killer.
It’s a statement I have seen thrown around many times in reference to a person’s stance on abortion — as well as words like despicable, disgusting, and immoral. And as Governor Northam has not personally killed any babies that I’m aware of, I assume that’s what these comments meant as they angrily declared him unfit to lead our state, and unworthy of their respect because he is a “baby killer”.
Baby killer.
Those words pierced right through my heart.
When I was 13 years old, I was molested by my former step-father. Without going into any unnecessary details, I will say that I am grateful that what happened to me would not have led to a pregnancy. But I was 13. I had begun puberty. Had the abuse gotten worse, I could, by all physical standards have gotten pregnant.
When I think back to that 13 year old girl I remember how incredibly scared I was.
I remember how hard the following months were as I moved into a new home, started a new school, separated from family, and lost friends. I remember how painful it was to face family who didn’t believe me. How painful it was to still have to face my abuser at family gatherings and holidays.
I tell you truthfully, it was only by the grace of God, and the fierce love of a select few that I survived that first year after the abuse. Years later, when things I couldn’t have dealt with at the tender age of 13 came bubbling up to the surface, the darkness felt all-consuming and almost took over completely.
I think of that 13 year old girl — still very much a girl in almost every way, even if her body had the womanly power to conceive a child — and I wonder what would have happened to her if things had been worse. If she’d not had the courage to speak up about her abuse. If no one had believed her. If the abuse had continued and even escalated. If the abuse had resulted in a pregnancy. If she then had no choice but to live through and walk out that pregnancy to full term — a child carrying a child.
I tell you truthfully that the thought of the emotional, psychological, and physical pain that 13 year old girl would have endured leaves me doubled over weeping in agony. Because she had already been through enough…no she had been through too much! And I can’t imagine ever having to tell her that she would have to walk through the halls of her school — her new school where she already felt like an outsider, but was at least able to hide her shame and wounds on the inside — exposed in her humiliation and abuse for the world to see. I can’t imagine telling her that while her body had already been violated, she would now have to go through the physical pain of carrying and delivering a child, and be violated all over again. At just 13 years old.
It’s the thoughts of this 13 year old girl — my 13 year old self — that influence my decision to support laws that allow for safe and legal termination of pregnancy in the first trimester for cases of rape and incest.
I believe in the sanctity of life.
I believe in adoption and family. I believe in Jesus Christ and how He showed love for children.
And I know that He loved that 13 year old little girl and wept over her pain and suffering. He walked with her and helped her heal, so that today she can talk openly about her past and be a voice for so many who cannot or will not talk about their own abuse.
I know that this is a very emotionally charged topic. I know many who have chosen a candidate to vote for based almost entirely on this one issue — that’s how important it is.
Whatever you believe, I trust that you have your own personal reasons and values driving those beliefs. However you vote, I trust you do so based on facts and conscience. I don’t begrudge you your choice, your opinion, or your vote. I hold no ill will if it differs from mine because I know that it is our own experiences that shape our belief system and ideals.
But I do ask that if your stance is different from mine…if you feel abortion should not be legal under any circumstances, that you would please be willing to enter into a civilized conversation with me, being gentle enough to honor that it is my experiences that have shaped my belief system and ideals, and my past is not the same as yours.
And before you call anyone despicable or a baby killer because of how they vote, I ask that you think of the 13 year old girl pictured here and whether you would stand before her and call her a baby killer.
[Please note, I did not write this or post it lightly. It was only after prayer and counsel from friends who believe differently than I do, that I decided to share this post in hopes that we can all begin a dialog that allows us to see different sides and learn how to discuss and disagree in love. I do not want this page to be a place of division. While I welcome ideas and thoughts on the matter that differ from mine, I ask that you do so respectfully and kindly. Any name calling, shaming, or hate speech will be removed.]