Recently my husband and I went kayaking in the Assateague Channel, just off of Chincoteague Island, VA — one of my very favorite places in the world. I love kayaking for so many reasons, not the least of which are vantage points like this.
But I think what I love most about kayaking is it makes me feel strong.
There’s nothing quite like feeling the wind on your face as you slice through the water knowing that it’s your own strength powering you against currents or maneuvering through rapids. I relish that feeling because honestly, it’s not often that I feel very strong.
Parenting a child with special needs — I feel weak.
Waking up in the middle of the night as anxiety attacks my conscious — I feel weak.
Stepping into God’s call to do something new and bold — I feel weak.
Unable to visit my Grandma or even help her understand why no one has come to see her for 3 months — I feel weak.
Getting out of bed in the morning, remembering all that didn’t get done yesterday and faces me today — I feel weak.
Trying to find the right words, words that will speak God’s truth, speak out against injustice, and speak up for victims — I feel weak.
And I know — I KNOW that I feel this way because I look at these challenges through my own lens, through human eyes.
I know that we weren’t made to do it all or carry it all on our own or through our own means.
I know that when I’m feeling weak it’s because I am focused on me and what I can do. But still, my prayer is often, “Father, make me strong.”
And finally, at 43 years old, I’m starting to realize that feeling weak isn’t unhealthy, and it doesn’t have to be discouraging.
Feeling weak in my flesh is just my Spirit yearning for Jesus.
In my weakness I’m reminded that alone I’m incomplete — just a fragment of who I was created to be. But my Father makes me WHOLE.
So I’m changing my prayer. Instead of asking God to make me strong, I’m asking Him to keep me weak, so that I never forget how much I need Him, or how life shines more brilliantly when I relinquish it over to Him.
I won’t give up kayaking. I always see Him when I’m out on the water. But when I’m gliding through the water, I’ll remember that “my power is made perfect in weakness.”
“Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – 2 Corinthians 12:8-10
