Why are you so afraid of my child with special needs?

Several weeks ago, my son came home devastated because one of his close friends told him that his parents didn’t want him to be friends with my son anymore. To the little boy’s credit, he told my son he didn’t care what his parents said, he still wanted to be friends. But the damage was done. My son, who has been diagnosed with OCD and anxiety disorders, could not get it out of his mind that there was an adult out there who thought he was not worthy of friendship with their son. That he was so terrible to be around they preferred their child end a two-year friendship. And he kept saying, “But I don’t understand why.”

Honestly, I don’t either, although I have guesses. My son has had a very rough school year as we have processed new diagnoses, struggled to find the right medication, gone through testing and therapy, and experienced all the joy of pre-teen hormones that seem to throw out any predictability of the aforementioned treatments and wreak total havoc on his emotions. He has had multiple incidents at school which resulted in total meltdowns and fits as he struggled with obsessive worry and anxiety. His poor impulse control has resulted in unacceptable displays of disrespect with teachers and conflict with peers.

While I don’t know of any incidents that personally involve this boy (and I’m pretty certain I would since my son’s school is very good at communicating these things), I can only imagine this friend has gone home and relayed stories of my son’s outbursts and meltdowns to his parents and that was enough for them to decide he was not the kind of kid they wanted their son to associate with.

And that certainly is their choice. While my initial reaction when my son told me was heartache mixed with a healthy dose of anger, time has softened my heart and I am left with just sadness. Sadness that my son has so much he is struggling to overcome and how aware he is that he is different from the other kids. Sadness that he feels ashamed of his differences and worries what other people think of him. Gut-wrenching sadness that in the hardest moments he has cried out to us and to God saying he wished he was no longer here on this earth. It’s really more than a mother’s heart can bear some days.

The full article is posted at Her View From Home. Click here to read the rest.

Are your core values what’s driving you?

I clicked the button to confirm my account and the first question popped up: “What are your core values?”

And I had to stop and think. I wasn’t expecting such a deep question from an app.

I was working in my new goal tracking app, Lifetick, and thinking I would just enter in my goals for 2018 and a set a few deadlines and notifications and be done with it. But before I could do that, this app wanted to know my core values.

You see the app takes a pyramid approach where you first identify core values, then set goals based on each core value, and lastly you can set-up specific tasks tied to each goal. This approach is not unfamiliar to me, as it’s very similar to how I’ve had to approach every marketing or business plan I’ve ever worked on (hello grad school, thanks for drilling that into my head!). But for some reason I had never stopped to take that same kind of tiered approach to my personal life. And as I sat there staring at that question on the screen it was a total epiphany moment for me.

Why would I spend my time doing anything or striving for any goal if I couldn’t tie it back to a core value? Or another way of putting that, if I couldn’t identify how my daily tasks and goals were supporting one of my core values, maybe it was time to rethink how I spend my time.

After some thought and reflection, here are the three core values I came up with:

  1. To pursue a relationship with Jesus Christ.
  2. To be a good steward of all that God has given me.
  3. To let the light of Jesus shine through me.

These might seem pretty altruistic or simplistic to you, but when I thought about what I valued most, what I wanted my life to look like at the core, these were it. And you know what, tying goals to these is not very hard.

For example one of my goals is to get moving for 20 minutes a day for the next 30 days. This directly aligns with core value #2 because God gave me this body, and if I don’t take care of it I’m not being a good steward of the gift He’s offered.

It also made me re-look at some of my goals and see if things were a bit imbalanced in my life or didn’t tie-back to a core value. Did I have any goals set that would directly support my core value of pursuing a relationship with Jesus? How did my work goals support my core values?

For now, I’ve only set-up four goals. I’m sure there will be more to come over time, but by keeping a focus on my core values, I was able to give myself permission to take a few things off my list. I’m making sure all of my time and energy is spent pursuing things that tie into the core of who I strive to be as a person. It’s also given me a greater sense of purpose for each of these goals because I can see the big picture. Getting fit isn’t just something I should be doing because everyone says so, or because I feel pressure to do so, it’s something I should be doing to honor God and take care of the body He gave me. That certainly lends a level of motivation I didn’t have before.

Do you know what your core values are? Do you see a direct link between your goals and daily tasks and these values? Maybe spend some time thinking about this and writing down your values. You don’t need an app to do this, but Lifetick is free and so far has been very easy to use!

 

 

photo credit: wuestenigel 2018 Goals in Notebook with a Pen via photopin (license)

 

The Ugly Truth of an Overwhelmed Mom and Resentful Wife

I’m excited to announce that I’ve joined the writing team over at Her View From Home, a lifestyle magazine that connects your view to the rest of the world; embracing everyday living through daily articles about family, kids, fashion and health, recipes and faith. Below is an excerpt from my first article.

It’s 10:30 p.m. and I’m exhausted.

The kids have been in bed for an hour, and my husband is asleep on the couch next to me. I shut down the laptop, turn off the TV, and pick up the cordless house phone to put in the charger. I am aware that if I don’t remember to do this tonight we won’t have use of our home phone the next day because someone has used the other handset, forgotten to put it back, and now it’s lost with a dead battery, somewhere in my house.

I pass by the dog’s food dish and see the child responsible for feeding her did not refill the water bowl, so I stop to fill it. I start to climb the steps to the upstairs, picking up a lost sock, a forgotten toy, and dirty dish towel along the way. With each step I climb, I feel the resentment growing inside of me.

I am the director, the scheduler, the planner, the seer, the doer, the organizer, and the manager.

Why don’t they remember to turn off the lights, and pick-up their shoes, and run the dishwasher, and sweep up the spilled cat food without being asked?

To read the full post, click here.

And while you’re at it, give them a like on Facebook.

This Christmas Give More Without Spending More: Seven places to buy gifts that give back

I love everything about Christmas, but perhaps my favorite part is seeing the look on a loved-ones face when they open a special gift I’ve chosen just for them. Yet, every year it seems to get harder and harder to come up with creative gifts for the people on my list, while staying within budget. In the last few years I’ve begun to seek out gifts that offer more, without having to spend more. What I’ve discovered are companies that not only sell a beautiful, quality product, but give back in some way with each sale.

It’s a double-whammy-win for me when I can give Aunt Ida a beautiful, hand-woven scarf, while also helping a young girl in Uganda get an education. Or get one of my kids some cute Christmas pajamas while helping another kid who is battling cancer.

In the endless aisles of big box stores selling the same old stuff, why not think outside of the (big) box and give gifts that are unique and unexpected? Why not give gifts that offer hope, freedom, education, or a second chance? Because really, who needs another scented candle?

Here’s a list of seven great companies and non-profits that not only offer amazing products, but are making a real impact on the world.

Sseko designs

  1. Sseko Designs – Sseko is a fashion brand based in Uganda. They are probably best known for their customizable women’s ribbon sandals, but they also sell beautiful leather bags, scarves, baby sandals, and jewelry. Sseko began as a way to help Ugandan women of high potential attend university through employment and scholarship. All of the products they sell are hand-made by artisan groups in East Africa – primarily Uganda, Kenya, and Ethiopia – using locally sourced materials. You can purchase directly from the Sseko Designs website, or find a local consultant to buy through. The one bonus of buying through a consultant is they support specific women, so you can put a name and face of who you are helping send to college with your purchase. Pricing starts at $15 for some accessories and goes up from there.

    cuddle+kind

  2. Cuddle + Kind – Cuddle + Kind was started by the Woodgate family, with the mission of creating something beautiful and safe for kids that would also help feed children around the world. They partner with artisans in Peru to create handcrafted knit dolls. The purchase of each doll provides 10 meals to children around the world through their partnership with World Food Program USA (WFP). The prices of their dolls range from $48 – $72, with over 20 different designs to choose from. They also sell illustrated inspirational prints, which run about $20 each and provide 5 meals for children.

    Punjammies_54_990x660

  3. Sudara (formerly International Princess Project) – Sudara started in 2006 by partnering with a sewing center in India to provide jobs for women trying to escape sex trafficking and slavery. The company’s founder, Shannon Keith, had an idea to create a simple pattern for loungewear pants and teach the women how to sew this pattern – thus came the first pair of Punjammies®. In the last decade Sudara has expanded their products to include women’s and men’s loungewear, graphic tees, children’s clothing, and accessories. But their goal still remains the same: to empower women in India to live in freedom from sex-slavery via safe, sustainable living-wage employment. Prices for clothing range from $29-$79.

    Fashion & Compassion

  4. Fashion & Compassion – Fashion & Compassion was originally founded to help offer employment and a fresh start for U.S. victims of sex-trafficking. Over the years, they have expanded their mission to help women in Charlotte, NC who are in need of economic stability, as well as helping women in Kampala, Uganda create micro-businesses and small village banks. They do this by selling hand-crafted jewelry, home goods, and accessories made by the women in both Charlotte and Kampala. Fashion & Compassion is a non-profit, which helps keep the pricing of their products very reasonable, and means that 100% of their net proceeds goes back into the communities they serve. Prices start as low as $9.

    yuhme

  5. Yuhme – Started by a Swedish husband and wife team, Yuhme sells water bottles made from a special type of bio plastic produced from sugarcane (meaning they have a negative C02 footprint). They also partner with Water for Good – a U.S.-based organization providing clean drinking water solutions throughout Central Africa. Each water bottle you purchase provides 6 months of clean water for one person. Their bottles are dishwasher safe and hold 750 ml (approximately 25 oz). They have three designs to choose from, each costing about $33 USD and shipping to the United States is less than $7.

    soapbox soaps

  6. SoapBox Soaps – SoapBox Soaps was founded in 2010 with the idea of creating an everyday, quality product that would change the world. Today they sell a variety of personal care and bath products and for every product sold a bar of soap, or month of clean water, is donated to a person in need – both in the U.S. and around the world. The company also partners with organizations to provide clean water, vitamins, and hygiene education. Each product has a unique “Hope Code” which, if entered on their website, will show you which project your purchase is supporting. SoapBox products can be purchased online from the website or at major retailers, such as Walgreens, Walmart, and Target.

    stjude

  7. Jude Giftshop – You are likely very familiar with the name St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital — well-known for both their cutting-edge cancer research and treatment, as well as their promise to never make a family pay more than they can afford for treatment. But did you know that St. Jude has an online gift shop that sells products ranging from soup mixes to soup mugs, from Christmas ornaments to Christmas pajamas? They also have a great “for him” section for all of those hard-to-buy-for men on your list. More importantly, though, 100% of the profits from each purchase goes back to St. Jude. Pricing starts as low as $6.

These are just a few of my favorite places to shop for gifts that “give back” and I know there are many, many more. I’d love to hear about some of your favorites and add a few new ones to my list.

 

{Please note that the author was in no way compensated or incentivized to mention any of the above brands or organizations. She just thinks giving back to the community and creating a better world for her children is pretty awesome.}

90 days of thanks and giving, part 2

In the big picture, 90 days is just a tiny blip on the timeline of my life. A small fraction of the days I have spent here on earth, and hope to spend in the future. But when you’re in the midst of something really challenging, or when you’re waiting for something, 90 days can feel like an eternity.

Ninety days ago I began an experiment, set-out on a small journey, to see what it would be like to practice intentional gratitude every day for three months. I wish I could tell you that this challenge got easier the longer I did it. That, like working out or going to bed early, once I made the commitment and stuck to it for a month or two it became routine. But the truth is, finding something to be grateful for has often been difficult. Once I got through the obvious ones (my kids, my husband, my job, etc.) I had to really examine my world to find something new each day, made more challenging on the really hard days.

90days1

Unfortunately, the last 90 days have not been a season where things just seem to fall into place, and life flows along at a normal pace. It’s been a really, really hard three months in so many ways — emotionally, spiritually, relationally, financially, physically, etc. In fact, as I was writing this post my husband informed me that the dealer called…our SVU needs over $6,000 in repairs. *sigh* The hard continues.

But here’s what I’ve learned in this season, while doing this experiment:
God wants our gratitude and praise, even when we seem in short-supply of praise-worthy things.

Of course it’s easy to be thankful for all we have once per year, when looking around at the sum total. And of course it’s easy to be grateful when sickness is healed, and bills are paid, and the house is clean, and marriages are strong, and children are happy. But if we are only able to express gratitude when we feel blessed, then we have misunderstood the complexity and abundance of God’s love and provision.

90days1b

In Philippians, Paul tell us to: “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” (Philippians 4:4-6)

What really gets me about this scripture is how much Paul repeats himself in just three verses. Twice he tells us to rejoice. Then he emphasizes the frequency in which we should rejoice and be thankful, saying “always” and “in every situation.” His main point is pretty clear. Paul doesn’t say to rejoice only when things are good. He doesn’t say to speak with thanksgiving only in the month of November. He says to do these things all of the time because “the Lord is near.”

And that’s it! That’s the only reason we need. The only catalyst to feel gratitude or to live a life of thanks and praise is God’s presence in our lives.

This is what the last 90 days have taught me. That when I stop and look, I can see God’s presence in my life every day.

When I am exhausted and worn down from the events of the day, I can see His presence in the quiet minutes after I crawl into bed.
90days2

When I’m stressed about financial burdens, I can see His presence in my daughter opening her first savings account and earning her own money.
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When I’m filled with worry and anxiety over my son, I can see God’s presence in my son’s smile while tossing the football with his dad.
90days5

When life feels messy, and hard, and overwhelming, I can see God’s presence in a group of friends gathered in our living room, praying together.
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So for 90 days this has been my objective, to find these moments, this evidence of God’s presence. As I already admitted, it hasn’t been easy. Many times I’ve been distracted by my own wants and worries and fears, and I’ve had to really work to see past this, to see God.

But He is steadfast. He is always near.

So I’m gonna keep on looking. I’m going to keep praising Him. I’m going to keep on coming to Him with thanksgiving, “in every situation.”

Even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.

 

#90daysof Thanksand Giving

 

This is the conclusion of my 90 day challenge. To read about how it all began, click here.

Romans 8:38-39