God, what big thing do you have planned?

It’s been a heck of a week.

Complete with a stomach virus, five hours sitting at the ER with my Grandma, parenting challenges, major work deadlines, and an injured husband.

By Wednesday afternoon I found myself in the drive-through line at McDonald’s getting ready to drown my sorrows in a quarter pounder with cheese, and having a very real conversation with God while hot tears slid down my face.

In the midst of my prayer, I suddenly interrupted my own self and said, “what big thing do you have planned, Lord?”

Because it occurred to me that all of this hard stuff might be an attack from the enemy.

In just two weeks, I’ll be leading my 7th women’s retreat, and I’m not at all ready. It’s actually the 9th event I’ve planned in five years and I’ve been able to notice a pattern that happens in the weeks leading up to.

Usually, about four-to-five weeks before one of my retreats or conferences life starts falling apart. And I’m talking really BIG, punch-you-in-the-gut-and-knock-you-down kind of stuff.

Like my finding out about my husband’s relapse.

Like getting a new mental health diagnosis for my son and watching him completely fall apart as we try to find the right treatment.

Like finding out my sister has breast cancer.

And without fail, these big things come at me and distract me from doing the important work needed to plan and prepare for my event.

I end up feeling scared, overwhelmed, and uncertain if leading these retreats is really God’s call or my own desire.

But the weekend arrives. Somehow, with God’s leading, I’ve managed to get it all done, often using the struggles I faced just weeks before as teaching points and examples of God’s faithfulness. And then it happens.

A woman who has been angry at God for years, reluctantly attending this retreat at the request of a friend, finds herself at the feet of Jesus, tear-stained and ready to give it all over to Him.

A mother who lost her child is comforted and strengthened by time spent with others who have been in her shoes and know the depths of her grief.

A young 20-something is suddenly empowered to embrace the calling she’s felt from God, but was too afraid to act upon.

A wife on the verge of leaving her husband finds her heart softened and a new resolve to work on healing her marriage.

A lonely woman, mourning the death of several friendships leaves with a new tribe and deep, lasting connection.

Every time. God shows up and moves in big ways. Sometimes I see it unfolding before me, and sometimes I don’t hear about it until months later. But I’m telling you that in five years and eight different events He has done it every. single. time.

And I’m guessing the enemy hates it. He wants to destroy it before it even begins. He is wily and cunning, the great deceiver. He tries to tear me down and prevent women from showing up.

But God is greater.

He leads me through the broken, the hard, the overwhelming stuff and then uses it for His glory. He paves a way for each woman to get there. And then He does His thing. Big things.

Enormous things.

So, I eat my french fries and drink my Coke with a smile as I whisper out loud, “I can’t wait to see what you’ve got planned this year, God.”